Okay, I’m back. It’s been a while – for many reasons. It’s difficult to blog at work because I don’t want people seeing what I’m writing and I can’t do it when I’m at my housemate’s because there I’ve only got my ipod and writing a blog post on that is ridiculously time consuming and frustrating.
I also began to wonder whether giving a lot of mental thought and attention to my OCD was counterproductive as it had become one of the few things that I was thining about – and to be honest OCD / mental health problems take up enough time as it is. So I thought that I would give it a break and see if I thought about OCD any less, and whether this was a good thing or just sweeping it under the carpet.
To be honest I’m still not sure. I think to some extent I have thought less about my OCD but I haven’t been giving in to every single one of my compulsions – at least not without some conscious thought. Since I’ve given my OCD the time and thought I’ve also been able to tackle it and face it head on a lot more.
Before I started my blog and twitter I kind of accepted I had OCD and just learnt to deal with what it threw at me. Since confronting it I’ve been able to see it better for what it is, that it is the OCD that is causing me problems and that I am able to fight it. Being able to label certain things as my OCD rather than ‘reality’ has made a difference to how I think about it and how I go about my daily life, trying not to give in to everything. I still do a lot of my compulsions, but I’m more conscious about what they are and why I’m doing them. Hopefully this will mean over time that I can challenge them and overcome some of them at least.
I’ve also been able to discuss it more openly with my parents, particularly my Dad which has made some circumstances a lot easier to deal with. Before the blog I didn’t even really think about my OCD myself, or do much research – just going over what I studied at university.
However, at the same time, I do think I was almost become obsessed (shock horror) with thinking about the condition so much, about what I was going to blog about, what I was going to read next, what I was going to try – so I think the break was also helpful.
In conclusion, I think it’s a question of balance. I don’t think ignoring my OCD (or any other mental health condition) is a good thing, but nor do I think giving it 100% attention is very healthy either. It’s now up to me to find that sensible balance. Perhaps a weekly summary of how I have found the week – what have been my high points and victories, and what I have found difficult. I can then also include ‘special posts’ if anything specific comes up or I want to discuss.
It would be interesting to hear from other people whether they’ve found opening up so much a good thing or a bad thing.
Let me know.